I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
