he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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