Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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