Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
