worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
