i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
3pm strippers are depressing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
