Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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