no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
