you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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