apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
