If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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