dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
