i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
