I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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