you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
