I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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