I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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