It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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