Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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