can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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