I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
