so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
