I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
