So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
