she pinky promised me she was 18
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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