I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
