god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
