Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
