WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
