just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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