Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
