Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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