I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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