he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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