Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
