I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
