I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
