Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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