addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
