he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
