Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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