I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
