I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
