My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
