was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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