I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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