we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
