you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
