My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
