those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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