I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
