very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
