I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
