Just fell off a train. Bad.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
