yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
